Cassandra Loh

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

school's going to be over
very soon, my 2nd year of poly is going to be over
i quickly browsed through some of my previous posts
and came across one where i was contemplating between poly or jc
reading the post, i still can feel what i felt then
the struggle, desperate for a direction
it was the first time in my life i realised
i need to make a REAL decision

quite some time ago
met up with some of my sec sch guy friends
in particular dangshi, who also was in tjc with me
he told me stuff tt i did then when i was uber depressed
i laughed at myself, and brushed it away
but when i thought back
i can never believe i walked through those shit and came out alive

then i remember what a lecturer asked me recently
he asked me if i liked what i finally chose
and told me to keep my eyes on God to make the rest of my life decisions

life is simple
it should be
but human tend to over- complicate stuff
making what seem to be simple tough
love for example was always easy
it was always about whether
i love him?
he loves me?
we love God?
he loves my family?
i love his family?
if all the above is yes
we are all set to go

remember a joke i had in my jc days
long story but to cut short
i actually just said "let's go" when i tot a guy reli asked me to be with him
but now
"let's go" seems naive
seems like many things have to be thought about too
its not only about me, you, God, my family, your family
its about him and her and they and anonymous
of course i know
that when you reli love him
what him/her/they/anonymous say shd be taken lightly
but still
who can safely say tt they wont be affected

and to people like YOU who have been backstabbing me and him
i dun see how saying all that will make u feel good about urself
why cant u just live YOUR own life and stay out of ours
from all the different people i hear different versions
but no matter how i track down
its still always you who started the fire
what do you want of me??
what difference will it make to your life when you do this?

sigh.. not feeling good about this at all
why cant people just leave me aloneeeeeeeee

your name wrote at ;; 12:48 AM