Cassandra Loh

Saturday, April 29, 2006

haha back again.. was reading my previous blogs.. den reALISEDive been bloigging for 1 yr le.. all the laughters, pain and al... they r all here..=) read some tt reli made me cringe.. read some tt made me wan slap myself.. bcuz of my zhi zhuo den caused my misery now.. lolz.. den got some wanna laugh.. etcetc.. blog reli good.... its a form of rememberin wad happens in ur life..wad an yi han i didnt write a blog in my happiest daes den.. got write diary la.. but didnt write so clearly bcuz hand will suan.. AWWwWWW.. i will rem next tym when it is my sec happiest moment.. haha

buaiz!

your name wrote at ;; 9:08 AM

wa today super early.. time check. i is 9am.. haha and i m ol!! tking a breather la.. was doing worship songs.. sorta forgot this wk was my turn to lead worship.. hehe. yawn..( i feel tt i gotsucha strong sense of RESPONSIILITY) haha eh i wake up so early lo!!!! =p

err duno wad to sae.. HI bYE!! haha

o i miss my bro!! ='(

its a sunny dae...

i got cell later..

i got sat service later..

i going early to study in church later...

i am happy later..

i am hungry later..

okok diao.. jus trying to mk it long so it wun be the shortest post.. hahha bye!

your name wrote at ;; 8:52 AM

Friday, April 28, 2006

back. tired.. vv tired... it's been a long week.. a vv vv long week lo.. i guess all my peers will agree... it is like vv tiring..ok diao.. sorry was watchin tv.. den keep saein tired..ok i shall CONCENTRATE..

first. in sch.. mmm... my results are crap!! my GPpractice rite.. upon 10 i got 4.5.. haiz. but it think my class onli got 1 person pass la. haiz.. den i failed my maths!! argh!!! 11/25.. wa reli ar.. muz get use to the MOMENTUM of failing streak lo.. lolz.. ok not funny la..MOMENTUM.. that'smy PI topic..haiz haiz..den i got captain of tjc la.. err.. but i didnt choose tt.. i chose vice. abit scaredla.. dunno if i haf wad it takes to b a captain lo...lolz.. but since i m chosen, i will do my best la..=)

den for my friends and all in tjc.. still ok la.. but stil hoping tt grace will come into my class lo!! bcuz it wud be so much betA!! grace JIAYOU! =p will be waiting for u in 17.06.

tday someone started talkin abt isaac..as in..ya...jus started playing ard la.. trying to tease me abt him lo. hello... BU SIAN AR.. lolz.. no la.. but understand u all jus playin... i didnt want to talk abt him for e past week or so.. but now.. i m fine le.. haha..but i think dun make fun abt me and him la.. bcuz.,.its like not good lo.. yea.. =D when mummy ask me if i stil like him.. all i culd sae is... i haf given up.. yep.. so stop asking me wad if he suddenly accept me or wad la.. its sorta useless... yep...

haha.. and stop talkin abt me and whoever whoever la.. i reli dun like anyone now and i am with NOONE now.. so stop guessing..=)

ok den abt my back andankle.. i went to check le.. my back's tail bone is damaged.. den my top back muscle tear.. den ankle crack.. all these injuries, go physio first.. den if six wks later nt ok den maybe go op lo.. but haha.. ask me go op?? bu ke neng.. lolz..

i am reli vv thankful for this break lo.. sat sun mon.. reli need it to catch up with work and REST.. reli vv lack rest.. rest le den come back stronger ba.. i shall work hard from this moment onwards.. but of cos i wun be a dull cassandra.. i still now how to play lo! =D

~probably we were not meant to be.. short and sharp...~

your name wrote at ;; 10:10 PM

Monday, April 24, 2006

yo!!! haha... jus came back from hospi..wa... so thankful.. no need hospitalised.. haha... =D was so scared la.. but muz go for INTENSIVE PHYSIO la!!! last tym got physio i dun wan go.. den now INTENSIVE.. thanks man.. haha.. wa jus now go see doc... the doc is SUPER handsome k.. i m not kidding.. he was like..

doc: hi i am Dr. Tan..u are stil studying? wad sch?
cass:ya i still studying.. in Anglican.. err no Temasek Jc..
doc: haha this is wad happens to j1 students.. identity crisis..
cass: *smiles*
doc: ok so wads the prob?
cass: *tells him everythin*
doc: ok can u lie on the bed. don't mind ar i need to feel your back.
cass: *nods*

den he ask me do alot of vv funny things man. haha. reli funny..hold ur hand do this and dat. o i forgot to sae.. got a trainee with him.. and... HE IS MUCH MORE HANDSOME DEN E DOC.. so can u imagine..haha..den blabla bla. went to do an ultrascan.. lolz..i like pregnant like tt.. got this machine beside me la. den heput some gel den scan..lolz.. it is super funny.. den i saw my tendon and my bone.. haha..cute la.. den i was also looking at the docs.. hehe.

okok.. tell u all the results.. mu go intensive physio.. den my ankle rite.. muz go back 6wks later.. see if it is fracture...if is den OP if not den cont doing physio..haha... physio le! so boring la. somemore is not tt doc lo!! haiz.. haha okok i was jus jk k!! i m not interested in guys hu i dun even noe kz.. heex

err... den ya dis few daes saw alot of bad things hapening la.. mMmm.... =( will be praying for u guys..jiayou kz... dun despair.. bcuz even when u feel tt smeone u love so much has left u.. or u feel tt... noone loves u animore.. jus look up..He's dere loving u unconditionallly.. dat's wad keeps me moving on lo. so u all muz jiayou too..

*got over and moving on...*
thanks for helpin me get over.. it was a strong but short pain..

your name wrote at ;; 11:54 AM

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

life is unpredictable.. it reli is..... i muz sae..it is umpredictable.. so guys pls learn how to tk careof urself... this is wad i reli haf to sae lo.. i mean so many things are happening ard me. including.. deaths.. terminal illness... etc.. only when we face with these kind of things den can we learn how to treasure of lives? this is a vv common phenomenon in pple... we always take for granted everything.. those pple hu died in 911 or the tsunami or the kobe earthquake.. juz a few sec b4 their deaths do they noe? those pple hu are now lying in the hospital.. did they know tt they wuld be in tt state? if the answers for the above is yes.. den they wuld haf reli enjoyed their life more.. if the ans is yes.. they will haf no regrets.. but sad to sae.. theans is n ever yes.. it is always no.. when we can laugh.. we choose to cry.. only when faced with chemotherapy or ops den they realise.. how hard is it to smile again.. this is reli a tot to ponder lo... live everyday like it is the last day. i rem e church doing this b4.. if u are left with one dae, wad wuld u do? i remember everyone in cell had lists of things they wuld do.. like learn this learn that. sae thankew to this person and tt person.. say i love u to this and tt.. den y aren't we doing these things nw? wad r we waiting for???

ok wow.. was jus overcomed by the unpredictable states of lives... jus npe tt a friend's mom has cancer.. hafta go for chemo.. the process is long and tedious.... the process mite mk her forget how to smile. i reli pray for her and my friend lo.. tt though the bills will be hih and she will reli be suffering.. tt she and her family will reli try their best not to forget how to smile..

i once forgot how to reli smile.. i once forgot how it felt to bereli happy for one dae without a tinge of unhappiness.... count the amt of daes i haf wasted..10mths? which is like 300 days? is it worth it?for one hu dun like u? wad abt those laughters tt ccanbring any bad dae to a lighter note???

today was a slack dae.. i went to school for 2 periods onli...lolz... hmm.. den aft sch abt 1/3 of the 2H'03 pple went back to AHS to tk our cert lo.. =) so happi to go tog la.. den aft tt went to church to do my slides.. den aft t went back to church for PnW pract.. sorta waste my tym la bcuzthe door was locked so i culdn type the slides.. diao.... but nvm. prepared for worship for tml..=)

tml will be beta dae.. i noe.. bcuz... i noe He loves me.. and He is always dere for me.. nvfailing. always faithful..

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

your name wrote at ;; 10:43 PM

Monday, April 17, 2006

it was a huge blow.. it was a deep pain.. but i can ask for nth else le.. i m contented.. talking about tymin.. God reli noes best.. i reli haf to yet again agree with this statement... remember in the previous entry i talked abt how i re dedicated my life to Him and reli put my focus back to Him.. ya.. so tt was sat.. and on sun.. i told myself. yes cassandra.. live for God!! but i was still abit unsure abt isaac's stuff lo. as in u noe.. was afraid of convincing myself to get over.. i prayed real hard.. tt He reli show me the right way la.. i mean..no pointme guessing and all.. if he reli isn't the one for me, i m willing to gif up.. i m reli.. so i prayed for a sign.. i didnt get any until at nite.. he suddenly chat with me on msn.. it's over.. u and i noe it.. piercing indeed it was piercing.. but wad can i sae? God reli did show me the sign jus when i needed it most lo.. so it is like when he told me that it reli is over.. i was quite thankful.. vv thankful instead. i noe the ans from Him le.. and i am willing to let go.. i haf asked God.. y dun u show me this ans earlier.. then i wun haf to suffer for so long.. but... like wad Grace said.. He wants me to wait.. He wants me to make a decision first.. yeah.. i made it on Sat and He confirmed it on Sun.. thank u Lord.. thank u daddy. thank u for always being so faithful.. for always noe ing wad's best for me and giving me only wad's best.. and keeping me from all my harm and all.. i thank u and praise u o Lord... bcuz u r the king above all kings and u r the one hu sits on the throne. yet u r always so reachable.. thank u for lovin me though i m so unworthy of your love..

whoa wad a long para.. ok todae in sch was.. errmsss... 1st) chem test.. i didnt bring calculator.. den li hao today ask me if i ok not. i wa like ya do i look like i m not... lolz..but.. ya.. aniwae.. den bla bla bla la.. long dae lo.. den went airport to cel chyr's bdae.. didnt tell her tt we cel. jus told her to cum meet me for dinner bcuz i wanna chat lo.. den act grace and qi and ju dere le.. ya.. had a gr8 tym catching up la..reli enjoyed it.. guys u all muz tk care k? esp the 2 hu diff sch from me.. muz jiayou wor!! dun haf me look aft. hehe.. muz zhang da le.. =p

show u all a song.. muz read e lyrics k...

o heart of mine why muz u stray
f from one so fair u run away
and one more time u have to pay
the heaviness when He bless u
O heart of mine come back home.
u'vebeen too long out on alone
He's been there all along watching for u down the road.

so come home running his arms are opened wide.
His name is Jesus and He understands.
He has the answwer that u r looking for. So come home running
just as u are

O child of God so dearly Loved
and ransomed by to save your blood
and called by name daughter and son
wrapped in the robe of righteousness

so come home running His arms are opened wide
His name is Jesus and He understands
and He has the answer u r looking for
so Come home running jus as u are

nice rite this song..meaningful? He is there all along.. jus whether u r too blinded to see.... i m moving on,, i reli am.. will u believe me?

your name wrote at ;; 11:10 PM

Sunday, April 16, 2006

He did not get crucify by those thick nails..instead, it was our sins... tt caused Him to be hung on tt cross.. to suffer the mental and physical pain.. today's service was good.. reli good.. God reli spoke to me la.. a tot to ponder..wad are we putting in focus now? eg: i love isaac... yes i noe tt..tt is a feeling..no wrong abt tt at all.. BUT.. is me loving him affecting my relationship with God. do i end up loving Him more than God? i keep quarreling with parents.. did He die for us jus so we can quarrel with parents? i responded to the call today. i was e first to respond.. I re dedicated my life to Him.. i will reli do my best.. to love God with all my heart.. when Christ wascrucified.. there were 4 types of pple..1) those hu laughed at him.. 2) those who did not care..3)those hu noe His great love but still do not repent and lastly.. the robber who was also crucified..but repented.which one do we belong too.. o and another point.. do u noe.. when Christ was crucified some 2000yrs ago.. We were all dere.. We were all watching Him get crucified.. we were not dere physically..but our sins were dere.. so ya...r we gg to cont living a life with the cross as jus another jewelry or a teenage icon? or will we reli carry thecross to walk towards the cross?

share with my dear fwens a story.. let's jus let me be the protagonist.. I was in a half conscious mode onedae.. when i walked into a room that looked small from the outside but big in the inside.. inside.. i saw many many slots arranged neatly.. on the 1st one i saw..the guys i use to like.. i opened that slot.. and alas! i saw exactly the guys tt i used to like! i looked at the 2nd slot.. the tv shows i have watched.. wow.. realised all the lovely shows i have watched..but as i try reading to the end.. i culdn.. bcuz there were too many names in that slot.. i started to feel a little guilty.. realised how much tym i wasted on tv shows.. the 3rd slot i saw was the amtof lustful tots i had.. i opened the slot slowly. hoping not to see a long ;ist like b4.. i looked at the first on list.. and immediately closed the slot.. i looked ard and was so thankful tt noone was in the room.. i tot to myself.. i muz destroy all these.. i tried burning them with fire.. i culdn.. they were too hard. i tried to tear them.. i culdn.. i tried all ways but i culdn.. i panicked.. i hid in a corner of the room.. wailing.. jus den.. the door opened.. "no.. i tot.. not Him.." it was Jesus.. He had dis vv vv sad look in His eyes.. i begged Him not to open the slots... But he did.. and from His eyes.. i saw His sadness as he read those entries..then he started signing all the entries... I watched as He signes. over every entry He signed His name.. not long later..He finished signing all the enteries.. and He said.. it's finished... story over.. think abt it..

ok.. next topic..bought a new laptop todae.. the newest in the market.. 1mth old onli.. ya tts all la.. fujitsu lo..

ok abt the most popular topic. isaac... aft todae's service i tot abt it le.. act.. if God wants isaac to be back with me.. He would do it for me.. i shall not force myself to forget.. but i wun ask or expect too much..bcuz i noe he controls all.. if pple were to ask me if i srill like him i wuldsae yes.. i wun deny.. i will still do things i want to get him back.. but he will not be my focus le..ya..jus hope tt if he reli is for me.. my daddy will provide..

o..anw.. i was supposed to type dis in an entry yest..but!!! sum irritating guy.. cancelled the page when i was typing.. haha yes.. it is wei xuan.. he's name appears in my blog again! haha...tt dae at geace's house.. he go use my fone msg isaac la. u noe i dun dare to msg isaac.. but he like did it for me la.. i dunno shd thank him or kill him. lolz..den i was typing blog entry den he go cancel.. ARGH!!!! haha.. but o well... thanks ar wei xuan.. my blog supposed to be noone noes except a few vivid fan of mine.. haha.. now wei xuan and aloy noe... but i dun think they will rem la hor..haha..

ya jiu shi zhe yang.. this is the good fri weekend.. but also a bz one for me.. gg to haf 2 tests.. and got 9 assignments.. WHOA!! onli finished 2 and a half.. and i m left with tml!! jiu ming ar!!!

love is like a jigsaw puzzle.. sumtimes sum pieces may seem to fit.. but when u act try to fit it in.. it does not fit aft all.. but reli.. u will eventually find the rite one and settle dwn... =) a pt. to ponder.....

lastly...

your name wrote at ;; 12:49 AM

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

creative@ jurong east... my mp3...your house.. the ahs tt room.. GALILEE... NTUC..plaza sing.. airport... chicken rice stall.. sin ten.. bugis.. EAST COAST PARK... RING..FEATHER SHAMPOO... NOODLES AT YOUR HOUSE... memries.. reli r memries.... i miss u. i reli do.. e amt i miss u is reli far more than u and i expected... i duno.. i duno how to deal with myself.. someone slap me.. someone pls wk me up... pls!! i m gg insane.. i mean insane.. e pain.. unbearable....

broke down on sat.... in church.. "even when u feel that noone loves u. or tt u are all alone.. or tt someone dun accept u for hu u r.. or u jus broke up with ur bf.. God still loves u.. He still accepts u..." this was wad e pastor said.. Daddy.. can u feel wad i feel now? i noe u can.. Daddy.. ur daughter's heart is gg to shatter... Daddy... ur daughter needs ur amazing love.. Daddy... ur daughter cant get over a guy hu dun like her anymore.. Daddy... ur daughter wants ur embrace.. Daddy... ur daughter needs your warmth.. Daddy.. i m feeling so so cold... i m feelin so so.. helpless.. i m falling down.. Father....... pull me up.. pls pull me up...pls pull me up...

i told my friends recently... i dun wan to let go le.. i shall jus cont liking him in my own world.. i shall jus cont dremaing abt this hope tt i hjaf.. this virtual hope tt he'll cum back to me.. give me a warm embrace.. i am too tired to let go.. i cant.. i cant bcuz i haf no more energy... today i talked to hoi shek... he asked me alot of wad ifs.. wad if isaac rejects u when he meets u.. wad if.. isaac dun wan to meet u? wad if.. aft u all tog u make e same mistake again? wad if wad if wad if....of cos i cant predict.. of cos i cant assure.. but i want to promise.. i promise.. i wun let u go le.. i wun hurt u le.. dar.. i am still ur dar.. i m still e same cassandra.. the same cassandra tt needs ur care and love.. the same cassandra that still loves u so much.. i am still e cassandra hu always msgs u at nite.. i am ur blur dar... i am ur princess dar hu cooked salty fried rice for u.. i am e silly dar hu always want to cheng qiang even when my ankle cannot tk it.. i m still e dar hu goes galilee and wait for u to appear.. i miss u i so miss u.... my new friend ka munn scolded me" CASSANDRA GIVE UP!" I DUN WANT TO!!! I DUN WANT TO LET GO!!!!! it was my fault.. i shdn haf let u go.. pls give me a chance to mi bu.. pls gimme a chance to correct my mistake.. pls gimme a chance to care for u again... pls gimme a chance to love u again..

isaac... i so wanna ask u.. how r u now? how's ur back? are u having enuf rest? how's ur ping pong? ur studies? how do u feel abt me now? m i irritating u.. do u hate me? do u reli not want me in ur life anymore? do u not love me?

can u answer me? bcuz i m fallin deep down.. i m not strong animore.. i cant.. 9 m ths le.. i haf endured for 9 mths. it iss enuf.. i m letting go off e rope tt kept holding me.. i m lettin go.. i want to fall.. free fall... without a rope.. wad will happen to me?

i miss u i reli do.. pls gimme another chance.. i will learn how to fold e hearts... i will fold dem back for u... bcuz i miz u so much..

your name wrote at ;; 5:48 PM