Cassandra Loh

Saturday, October 28, 2006

yesterday just came home from marg jie's house bcuz we had combine cell.. reli didnt want t go la.. bcuz it was sorta like relax cell onli ma.. den plus i was doin pw.. den mux still rush dere.. den plus..i not reli in e mood to go there and play.. mon is e day ma.. so i was like prcastinating the nite b4....den corine was ol den she ask me go.. den keep askin.. den jiu hao la go lor.. den i go le. i immediately regret de.. bcuz everyone like so happy playing and all...den i cnot shao xing ma.. i was like.. i wanna go home.. den aft awhile we went to eat dinner.. den as usual eveyone smiling and laughin. den maybe i too tired la. so i oso dun wana joke along.. so i jus pretend to watch the tv in the kopitiam lo... den zhen han ge was sitting beside me.. he started talkin to me la.. den at first talk abt the dirtiest part of a pig is wad.. den ended up tokin abit abt my results lo.. den jiu zhe yang we went back to marg jie's house for cell and zhen han ge went to hs own cell..

we sang 3 songs during cell.. seriously i forgot the titles of e other 2 songs le.. but this song made me drop my tears.. y le? i oso dunno leh... i was jus singing den sudd.. drop.. the song is 深触我心.. ya den sing le pray le den went into some admin stuff.. den had an online video conv with yu ting jie who's in aust.. den lidat lo.. den they started to watch Goong... thats when zhen han ge came home.. den bcuz i need to print smth from my laptop so marg jie ask me to ask zhen han ge.. den he was in the study room alone la.. so i went lo.. den had to wait awhile ma.. den got talk abti lo.. den aft tt ask him if he got the song dao gao..den he have ma.. so he send to me with conditions applied la.. den bcuz muz wait so i sat there and surf net.. surf the tjc portal. went to my results.. den i saw those CRAP results.. i couldn tk it.. den i jus said la.."wad a dumb score" den he came over den he saw my maths MC.. den he ask me if i was reli sick.. den the whole conv started.. reli thanks to him i managed to open up.. as in all the masks were jus taken off for that hour or so.. i jus told him everything including my doubts of GOD.. and my weariness and all.. den i was like sharks he's like a church leader leh! as in dun play play la.. tell all these neg stuff abt God to a church leader is like tellin the government u hate the pres or smth.. so i was like... halfway thru regretting le...but somehow i jus cont to talk lo.. den he was quite like strict at first.. like a dad lidat leh...like ya lo.. but he was also soft at times la.. and aft tokin...useless me cried.. abit la.. reli felt beta instantly.. alot of questions dat a non christian will ask came into my mind.. i was so ashamed of myself for such doubts of God.. and worst still tell one who is spiritually mature.. but he got ans some la. and he say he also faced these doubts b4.. hmm.. ya lor.. aft talkin felt beta la...

so gg to marg jie's house was a right choice? mmm... yes ba.. bcuz never in my sane mind will i imagine myself tellin zhen han ge these bcuz he is like.. a church leader leh! listenin to some small cats like me miaowing like such a waste of tym.. but he was great la... thanks zhen han ge..

i need to go church for prac le.. i m late act.. =p ciao!

your name wrote at ;; 12:20 PM

Sunday, October 08, 2006

dunno wads getting over me la.. e stress? or smth.. to some ppl i may be alientated already.. i may alr be not normal to pple..but..tts e way i wan it now.. i dun wan change anythin abt me now.. the stake? - i may lose some of my friends..(friends dat couldn last the storm with me), i may leave impression that i am a weirdo in my teachers minds. or wadeva.. but sorry..i jus wan to be like that now.say i m a princess.. say i wan my way.. say i m spoilt.. but reli.. its not how u tink! aiya wadeva.. bcuz i m vv vv confident tt i have a bunch of friends tt will tide thru the storm with me.. and wad more.. that faithful HIM up dere.. wad do i fear?

today's sermon was good.. k maybe to alot its jus another sermon.. but today.. throughout the whole service..i felt God's presence.. as in seriously.. it all started when we sang the song through it all... * I'll sing to you Lord a hymn of love for Your faithfulness to me.. I'm carried in everlasting arms.. You'll never let me go.. through it all.. * i stopped singing aft the 1st chorous ended.. they repeated.. i didnt sing.. i closed my eyes.. i prayed... den i stopped praying.. but my eyes remained close.. with my mind blank, smth came into my mind.. "my daughter.. come into my arms.." i was like shocked.. i didnt want to open my eyes.. i loved tt feelin.. His arms were open for me.. seriously.. then sermon was abt faith.. and to have the faith, we have to recall wad wonderful things he had done for us.. thinking and thinking.. i realised..He planned everythin for me.. sorry Daddy.. i vv bu ting hua.. so u must well jus plan for me.. hehe.. and everythin jus goes all rite.. throughout the sermon. i asked myself.. where was my faith?? retain or not.. God has His plans..

aft service i jus broke down.. while praying for myself, i felt like i was gg to break down..jus got tt feelin la.. u noe.. like duno y.. den i dunno y ar.. i jus went straight to cuifen jie.. like u noe.. i m not tt close to her.. seriously.. we dun tok emo stuff.. onli tok serious or jking stuff.. ya.. she was tokin to.. alvin i tink.. den i jus went dere and i said.."cui fen jie i'm afraid" she stopped her convo.. den she brought me to a side.. den i briefly told her wad happened.. tink she oso abit shock why i choose her la.. haha.. den ya lo i felt beta.. den bcuz i was crying ma.. den alvin saw.. den he talked abit to me.. den aft tt... he called wx.. den wx oso got tok abit la.. den pwj and mingli toked to me oso lo..

den e sweet thing.. my 2 girls, anna and qi xi.. they were at a corner the whole tym i was crying la.. like they dun dare to come over.. den sudd anna ask.. cassandra jie u wan a hug? den i at first like vv embarrassed bcuz wx they all ard ma.. den i act la..i say huh? den she say u wan a hug? den i err.... den she jus hugged me and seriously i felt so much beta.. then we went tm to eat la. 3 of us.. den sudd they so suspicious again.. duno wad dey up to.. den in e end dey went to buy this zip pencil case tt i jus briefly said i like but didn bring money to buy.. e 2 of dem oso nt enuf money so they shared to buy.. and both have NO money aft tt.. i was so touched.. den they say.. " cassandra jie.. dun so stress k. this is to make u happy.." it was a small act.. as in.it was onli 9.90.. i could have bought it myself! but u noe.. when they gave the thingy to me and said those stuff.. i reli almost cried in tm.. thanks darlings.. u all reli sweet..

so tts my day.. tml..i will go to service.. and seek from Him a faithful and trusting heart.. Lord.. teach me.. that in whatever i do.. You are always with me.. in what ever i do.. You never forsake me..

with all my heart, amen

your name wrote at ;; 12:07 AM