Cassandra Loh

Friday, June 30, 2006

bye allen..=( thanks for always being such a great friend.. i'll miss u.. =( jiayou in aust ba... do come back often k.... reli vv happy we got in touch again... tk care and i'll always be praying for u... I'LL MISS U.. ='(

today's a mixed dae.. i was act vv happy.. k i 'll start with the happy part.. today i finished my exams finally.. but i fell aslp la.. but at least its over.. o well.. den i went to eat and pass laptop to clement and wei jie.. den mum brought me and bro to doc... bcuz my bro still sick and me too but our med fin le.. so go lo.. den see dr winston.. who is our family's friend.. so ya.. haha.. go in den see lo.. den i fufiled one of my life's dream.. nv told anyone dis b4.. but.. i wanted to be a doc when i was young ma... onli bcuz i grew up starting to fear erm.. ya some stuff which i will touch on later.. so i forget abt my dream le lo.. so i act reli wanted a day when i finally could use a stethoscope and like hear heart beat.. k maybe this is funny.. but ya.. seriously la.. den today i heard!! u noe it was so cool!!! i used his stethoscope and listened to the heartbeats.. i was reli so.. man zhu..

kk den another thing.. today i was at the library.. den walked past this book tt caught my eye.. so i went back to see the book. "getting over what u fear". i took the book and started reading la.. den couldn't find my fear.. so went ol.. searched on yahoo.. <> ya.. this is wad i fear.. and i reli fear.. tts y i gave up being a doc... i searched it.. and a term came up.. necrophobia.. hmm ya.. think tts wad i m afraid of and reli cant be able to.. cast my fears away lo.. ya...

oh den today my ma got a moto razar.. wan gif bro.. den she bought wrong buy pink! lol.. den bro wan black.. so he sorta asked me to gif him mine la.. den see him oso quite poor thing la if he haf to use pink.. so ok lo.. took e pink one.. yea.. sorry lemon..muz pass ur phone on... but i made my bro promise to tk good care of it.. =D

k.. den e bad news came.. =( allen leaving le.. =( he's gg to study law in australia.. no wonder yest he was like so sweet la. sae he reli treasure me and all.. i'll miss u dearly.. tk care kz.......

~as we grow up in life, we realise that there is reli absolutely no human tt can stay with us forever.. parting.. is a stage we all haf to go through.. ~ quoted from allen

your name wrote at ;; 9:09 PM

Thursday, June 29, 2006

someone jus commented that my blog vv hard to read.. hmm for the scroller part rite.. click on the post den use ur keyboard la... press down button.. den will be easier.. hee.. ya..

so basically today is the sec last day of my exams.. hmm.. ok la.. dun reli wana comment..

todae went physio.. had quite a back ache.. hmm.. ok dun wana comment too..

hmm i vv tired la.. as in..having to cope with exams and sick and all.. reli a lot la.. but thankful tt everytime i m tired.. always somehow will haf friends talking to me and all.. like tt dae aloy and i talked.. although it was quite crap la.. with him.. haha.. he KEEPS talking abt tt HIM la.. as in tt guy hu he thinks we shd be tog.. so like.. haha.. we talkin abt smth.. den will suddenly stil link back to HIM.. ok and now i noe my son has smth to sae.. haha.. BUT.. ya.. we'll jus leave it as now ba... =D

was watchin moulmein high.. aiya duno how to spell.. but ya.. at csmc while waiting for my mummy... den this bf of this girl was like so sweet.. the girl was like fa-ing xiao jie pi qi rite. den he bought her her fave durians.. sweet rite?? hee..and the thing is.. the guy's name happens to be isaac..lol... doesnt mean anythin!! haha.. jus.. so sweet..

k off to my last subj.. grace... programmes officially start from TML

your name wrote at ;; 7:06 PM

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

i watched channel u.... 7pm show.. the bride is 18 tt show.. hmm... the gal is 18 he is 28.. hmm wads ur pt of view guys? wads e largest age diff u'll tk?? hmm

your name wrote at ;; 8:03 PM

I GOT TRICKED!!!! lol...

wanted to go for maths but sick.. den decided to rest since haf mc.. den wanted to go for GP.. so i went... den go compo.. den aft tt wanted to do compre.. but complications.. haha i was sick oso la.. den mr chung sae go home lo. den retake.. den i went to physio..lol.. den i told myself.. I MUZ BE DONE BY 2h!! haha.. den when i saw tt i dun need do ankle exercises le.. i was like.. yeah man.. it will be half the tym shorter ma. haha.. den did back exercises.. den i was like in confusion.. haha.. bcuz the physio and the sports trainers were saein i was like jelly.. den they sae i vv tense.. so was i like jelly or was i tensed?? haha.. but anw.. I HEREBY PROCLAIM.. I DO NOT LIKE SPORTS MASSAGE.. LOL.. no la.. bcuz rite.. me and my monkey friends always sae if onli we can go for a good massage to release all e stress.. the word massage jus somehow links to comfort and jus.. relaxing ma.. so today when i could do sports massage, i was like.. wa cool! den edmund started by oiling me.. lol.. den he started pressing.. den it was still quite ok.. den suddenly he pressed a spot den i was like OW! den he cont there le.. den i had no more.. NO MORE comfy tyms. all pain!! haha..

tml chi.. halfway thru le. but i m sick.. =( i wanna get well.. dunwan me to be sick across my 16yr old to 17yr old.. which is comin!! hee..17 le!!!!! i m like e last in the team la.. boo boo....

son.. u noe wad?? haha... jus now i was sitting outside the CSMC la.. den i was eating my breakfast cum lunch cum dinner.. haha.. den i was sitting beside a pond thing la.. den den den.. these irritaing FISHES swam towards me!!! i didnt realise till i turned ard and saw a school of dem.. a school ok!! like with their mouths all OPENED!! wa i so shocked den i calmly walked away.. u noe y muz calm? bcuz dunwanpple see me scared ma.. =p

now watchin this variety show.. if u r chosen, they'll gif u wadeva u asked for.. then this family choisen got FREE HOUSE and 20mins shopping spree at toys r us for the kids.. they vv poor de.. so sweet rite?? hee... im dreaming now.. if its me.. wad will i want... hmm... think le den i tell u all.. hee..

today GP question i did was.. "we are the masters of our destiny. do u agree?" i said i dun agree la.. instead we are servants of our destiny bcuz we cannot choose wad kind of life we r given.. eg: u r in a rich or poor family, u r pretty or ugly..but we can make good use of what's given to us la..

anw.. I GOT TRICKED!!! haha.. muz sae again..

your name wrote at ;; 6:29 PM

Monday, June 26, 2006

settlers!!! roller blade!!!! movie!!!! Billy Bombers!!! etc etc... *soon man!! aft exams... SOON!!!*
(pss grace.... dun open ur eyes too big.. haha.. i got sae wan go with u mEh?? hehe.. k la... i will do my part in organizing.. hee.. though i didnt reli follow study plan...)

some pple are jus smart can.. i noe of this person hu got like 4as for her a's.. and i noe of this ahem 27yr old guy hu got 3as 1 b!!!! wa... why they so smart,.. for JCT i m struggling for like all E? lol

i realised i made alot of decision makings this one yr... from to break or not to break.. to gg to switz... den to poly or jc?den to mjc or tjc? to play for the matches when injured my ankle or not? to train or not? to go for physio or not? plenty of decisions.. and now i m faced with another.. shd i change my church?? hmm.. dun reli wana write the reason la. jus.. prob i m not reli growin here? duno.. but i reli haf to settle my 3 disciples.. anna, qi xi, eunice.. three cute gals.. =D they're reli darlings la... hee..

i haf came to learn tt we face many decisions and these decisions will affect our life!! and we haf to be responsible la.. hmm..

anw.. do u guys rem weng long.. rem rem rem?? haha.. ok dun sae anythin abt him.. jus sae.. he is gg physio too..and i think is oso e downstairs de.. woo. my neighbour.. hmmz.... shall not comment abt this. haha..and clement is gg to be my neighbour as soon as this fri!! woots.. haha.. free gym free pool free everythin ar!! =p tkin advantage of my dear friend..

i m independent.. i m strong.. i dun cry.. eh grace dun u think i haf improved alot?hehe.. changed from tt small little girl... and son.. i m no longer princess le rite?? hee... was lookin ay my psychological test.. its like a psychological thing.. hmm.. think if i do now the results will be diff. haha.. last time.. oways got dependent la.. bla bla bla.. den look at all e things ppl describe me.. all sama sama de! princess, blur, bla bla bla..but now beta le. rite rite rite?? hee.. EXCUSE ME I CAN COOk!! I CAN DO HOUSEWORK!! oh oh why do i feeltt alot of pple will comment abt this..lol

*do we try to please everyone, or do we just keep our focus on Him?*

your name wrote at ;; 11:59 PM

today is reli a vv vv weird day.. lol..

ok.. i am sick... not only me.. MY WHOLE FAMILY.. it's e virus la.. it's e virus manz.. haha.. so i was like doin my chem paper.. den kept coughin.. den realise i was like disturbing others la.. so i tried to control.. den bcuz i control rite.. den i cant tk it... den i cough vv loud..den e gal beside me like turn to look at me. i was like sorry sorry.. aft tt i kept coughing.. so cham.. lol..

den i went to see doc for my cough and all.. haha alot of med la!! lol.. but bcuz we noe the doc.. so it was like so cheap. so many med so a vv cheap price.. ya den aftr tt went to see my papa kai de ktv.. cool la.. my 18th bdae can cel de..bcuz onli 18yrs old den can go.. haha. ok i m not even 17 yet... lol.. ok the most weird thing is here..

den i went to CSMC (CHANGI SPORTS MEDICINE CENTRE) for check up la. den they ask me if i wan to do surgery.. den i was like no.. haha.. but he sae is beta.. so i sae see how..den i ask him if need to stay.. den he sae vv short.. maybe one two days.. i was like WAD!!! haha.. i dun dare stay.. dun mind visiting pple.. tts all.. haha.. ya den tml got physio.... lol.. during exam some more.. ok den i was abt to go home..now e interesting thing..

i was waiting for shutter bus la.. den suddenly this taxi driver came and ask me if i noe han yu ping yin. den i sae ya.. den he sae he gif me free ride but he ask me to teach him han yu pin yin on e way.. den i tot. wa free ride.. oki! haha.. den i go lo.. den he started askin me q like... how much u get a dae... hu gifs u e money? and bla bl bla.. i was like.. ok.. lol.. den he kept tokin throughout the whole journey la. den bcuz i sick ma. den reachin home he still kept askin.. den i suddenly duno why kept coughin until vv cham.. den reli couldn stop.. cough until i was tearing le.. den he kept askin me q den i reli couldn tok.. den vv xin ku.. den ya lo... he was like tokin to himself.. ask q den i never ans den he change q.. lol.. but when i wenthome den my mama was saeing like how dangerous it was bla bla bla.. whee i jus du guo nan guan..

haha... duno if tml shd go for my paper not.. bcuz i still sick ma.. duno la.. see how lo... but i reli wan go GP bcuz if i dun do GP in the hall rite.. i will jus like.. wana slp lidat.. haha.. den will like compromise with my results.. ya.. but if tml go.. same oso la.. will oso like drowsy drowsy... so yalo..see how.. but maths most likely not gg le.. how to do maths la..

friends ar.. pls tk care man.. this virus is invading the human society!!!!!

*to u.. it was just a past.. to me it was.. a memory..*

your name wrote at ;; 10:06 PM

Sunday, June 25, 2006

today.. had a great talk with son at cartel.. talked abt alot of stuff and problems and virus.. haha.. lol.. den we even talked abt.. ahem eligibility.. haha.. nvm.. but it was a great talk la.=D den ate until vv full oso.. woo hoo.. haha..

these few days keep raining.. to my sec 4 friends.. rem wad we oways said when it rains... cassandra is sad.. haha.. bcuz like whenever i sad it will rain..lol...

o ya thanks son for helpin me with myblog man.. ur ma.. is too old.. she cnot follow with the shi dai.. haha..

tml bringing parents to church.. pls pray for dem.=D

*what a person can do to affect u... it's amazing.. u can choose to affect pple in a good.. or bad way.. what do u choose?*

your name wrote at ;; 1:53 AM

wang le ai

this song rite.. was isaac's blog song.. duno if it was his first blog.. but o well. it happened to be one of my fave song b4. jus found it.. so here is it.. it's nice! =D

your name wrote at ;; 1:25 AM

Saturday, June 24, 2006

today.. i was looking through all the posts i haf written since june2005.. i realised that it's been one yr since i started blogging.. and in this one yr.. so many things haf happened.. guess the reason i first started to blog was because i wanted to use this as a form of place to channel all my thoughts to isaac.. i lied abt the reason of our break up.. i lied in my blog.. whilst reading my entries.. i realised.. how up and down i was reli feeling.. probably it's e music ba.. my blog music so sad...lol..when i read, there's this lingering taste of memory la... like when i first lied to isaac abt our break up..to when i was so strong abt the break up... to i started breaking down bcuz i realised how much i missed him... to i told him the truth.. to him becoming so cold to me... to i tryin to get him back.. to me completely broke down... to me starting to heal.. to me now healed i guess.. all in one yr.. these memories are reli sweet as i read in the blog..

of course.. the memories also included the tyms when i wanted to gif upfor o's bcuz i was reli dying!!! it was like so stressful and all... but o well.. i tied through this..and i reli wana encourage all my dear sec 4 juniors lo.. i reli noe how u all feel la. but jus endure lo.. bcuz if u studied hard rite.. when u get back ur results and u look back.. u realise how much it's worth it la.. like me now.. jus like any other jc students, i m stressing over my JCT la.. as in reli.. im dying.. haha.. feel vv not confident and all.. but i jus tell myself to push on lo.. yea..

realised that one yr flies vv fast.. but oso.. in that fast one yr..many things will happen.. and if we do not cherish the time we haf.. we will realise that this tym jus slips off our hands.. jus like i can never get out of ahs, jus like i can never re take my olevels as an ahs student.. jus like i cannot go back to tpjc for my first three mths.. jus like i cannot go back to they tyms i dun need physio.. jus like i cant go back to the tyms i was with isaac.. all these memories... are so.. real.. yet so far away now...

i cant deny tt i miss so many things tt happened before.. i miss those happy and sad moments i experienced.. those tyms i had to pia like crazy formy prelims and o's... the timei cried when i got my chi results.. the tym when i realised i can achieve results and i m not dumb.. for those hu dunno.. i appealed into AHS and i m the bottom five students.. my PSLE got onli 224.. i jus felt tt compared to these smart students here, i will never do well. but when i saw my results, though it wasn fantastic, i reli thanked God.. for allowing me to come to AHS.. feel so value added.. =D

act i duno why am i writing all these reminisce stuff when exams are like the day aft tml!! haha.. but i jus feel tt.. these shd be noted down lo.. may i always remember.. the happiest and saddest moments of my life.. and always thank God for them.. bcuz without them, i wouldn grow. without them, i wouldn haf realised i haf a bunch of money friends ard me.. =P hu always were dere for me lo.. i thank God for them too..i will cherish my life.. i will cherish every single event tt happened to me, be it good or bad.. bcuz these are footprints tt will always be in my heart lo..

to my dear friends, i love u

your name wrote at ;; 3:00 PM

Friday, June 23, 2006

had a long day at physio.. i spent like 5hrs plus dere can.. i m beginnin to wonder if it is a waste of tym lo.. its like.. spend so much tym dere.. haiyo.. although e peep nice la. but still... hu likes to spendso much tym in a HOSPITAL.. haha.. sadistic ar..go dere like go home lidat. every alt dae dere.. jiu ming ar!!!!

todae was tiring.. den my physio rite.. from Darek change to this hong koing one called megan.. haha.. act mine is supposed to be sonya.. den bcuz she not ard so darek tk over den aft tt tdaae pass to megan but next wk back to sonya.. haha.. messy rite.. discharge me ba!!! tosay aft physio too tired le.. so nv reli study much.. haiz... but o well. went to visit Jhong.. pushed him ard in wheelchair.. hehe.. so fun... but i reli cmi.. duno all e angles and all.. den keep turning until almost bang.. lol..sorry jer!! haha...

k la.. i go slp le.. hee..

*rumours can kill.. it reli can.... we shd watch it at tyms..*

your name wrote at ;; 12:58 AM

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

hey back from farewell for the seniors.. hehe.. it was alot of work done before.. and here i reli would like to thank joel.. reli thank u lo.. without u ar.. i think i will beng kui..lol.. like suddenly so many pple gg overseas or camp as the days drew near.. and i was like die!! haha.. but joel helped alot la. thanks brother!=D

today went to vsit JHong.. poor brother.. appendicitis.. so unpredictable rite.. one dae he was fine, and now he is in the hospital.. hmm.. he had his op le la.. shd be recovering well..see him lidat so poor thing lo.. haiz.. will be keeping him in prayers ba.. jus now was saeing.. if he hafen discharged by thurs den i can go visit him aft physio.. hahaz.... shun bian ma.. the time jus nice oso.. hee..but of cos hopefully he is discharged la.. =D guys pray for him too kz.... =D

i reli think we can light up a person's dae jus by showin a little more care lo.. tk for example today.. when the fisn n co person asked.. who is joel.. then when we cel joel's bdae.. he was so surprised.. and although he never expressed much.. i m sure he was feeling SUPER happy la.. i mean.. wad a surprise! surprises jus work wonders la.. jus light up someone's day like tt.. =D HAPPY BLESSED 16TH BIRTHDAY JOEL!!

tml got competition.. sadly i m gg myself. haha.. and sadly i m jus gg to lose all e way.. wa sianz rite.. sianz lo.. i playing with pro ma.. den its like sure lose den go dere get thrashed le den go ome myself.. manz..got think if dun go good not.. but sportsmanship la.. though i noe losing le.. but jus go lo.. no harm la rite.jus gain exp lo.. if dun go i m not even giving myself a chance ma... jus fightmy best with no regrets. yea.. so dun try discouraging me to go k.. bcuz it may work.. but i dunwan.. bcuz til now all e odds against me ma.. its like.. i sure lose.. and noone withme..haha... but o well.. DUN DISCOURAGE ME AR I M WARNIN U!! haha..

k la. jus lidat ba.. =D tk care everyone.. oh ya and huever commenting on my blog.. pLEASE dun talk abt studies or anything tts a spoiler.. thankew.. hee..

your name wrote at ;; 11:44 PM

Monday, June 19, 2006

can i please sae... that our daddy is good.. assuring myself and all e rest hu reads this lo... while studying for JCT.. reli feel tt i need the strength... u noe sometimes we face so much.. SO MUCH.. we jus cant take it le.. reli.. we jus feel like.. we dont want to move on anymore.. at times.. we cry to our friends.. we cry to ourselves.. but noone seems to understand us.. WHY?? u ask urself.. why cant anyone understand and accept me for hu i am... u feel tt u r lost and stranded in an island that dun belong to u.. u may try hard to be accepted... u may try hard to get smth u wan.. but u jus fail and fail and fail.. u decide to gif up.. since noone understand u.. wads e point of moving on?? u cry out.. u scream.. u sob.. u jus keep falling... u cant pick urself up...

look up ba my dear friend.. do u noe tt every tear u cry. He is crying with u? look up ba my dear friend.. He understands lo.. Cry to Him ba my friend.. tell Him exactly how u r feelin.. u dun haf to hide.. u dun haf to be ashamed.. u jus haf to pour out everything.. feel Him.. feel Him wipe ur tears away.. feel Him hugging u.. hear Him sae.. "it's ok darling.. it will be fine my child.. I will always be with u.. i will make ur path straight.." Cry aloud to Him... Cast all your burdens upon Him ba.. Cast all your fears on Him ba..

All renewed
Lord can u hear me in my tiniest voice?
Lord can u hear me cry?
Lord can u feel my sorrow?
Lord can u hear me sigh?

i'm riding on this roller coaster
and now i'm at the bottom
i turn to everyone around me
but noone seems to know

Noone seems to hear my voice
Noone seems to hear my cries
Noone feels my sorrow
Noone hears me sigh

chorous:
That's when i see you daddy
that's when i saw you cry
You took me in your arms
and said darling it's alright
You cuddled me in the embrace
You wiped off all my tears
Then you said my child
You're ready with no fears
You picked me from the bottom
and i'm here now
all renewed

this is a super nice song..reli.. dedicate to all hu r feelin tired and all ba.. =D

your name wrote at ;; 11:35 PM

Sunday, June 18, 2006

haha todae went roller blading after service.. it was reli fun la.. esp aft i haf not roller bladed for like AGES.. haha hor grace.. haha... went down a slope den got blocked and VROOM! i fell down.. haha.. i knew i was fallin at every moment. haha... i knew it le.. ok la not too badly injured.. jus knee and elbow... though elbow one stinks like siao.. haha.. but overall i had a G-R-E-A-T dae.. yay!!!!

your name wrote at ;; 11:42 PM

how do u noe if u dun like someone for sure anymore.. that's a question i haf been askin myself since my friend broke up with his gf.. he was devastated.. and i told him tt he haf to get over.. he asked me.. haf i reli gotten over? i said yes... but come to think of it.. how do i noe?? is it reli like wad wx said.. see him no more heart beat fast = dun like le? how abt f i dun even see him??

dun get it wrong i m not fallin back to the period of tym when i jus stubbornly cant get over isaac... after all.. i've put in so much effort to get over him.. how can i let myself fall back so easily again rite?? i mjus wondering.. o well. nvm oso duno wad i m thinkin la..

was reading the blog if this person jus now.. she seems perfect man.she is rich, she is vv pretty, she is smart.. she is good in sports.. she is good in art.. isnt tt like perfect?? but still.. she feels so empty.. reli lo.. no matter how rich or how popular we are, there will still be this empty space in ur heart.. and u can onli count on ur daddy above to fill it lo.. i reli do understand when pple tell me how empty they feel, how left out they are.. how ugly they find themselves.. u noe seriously.. wad i jus mentioned i haf felt ALL of them before.. reli. i jus cant accept my looks and all. i tend to get envious of wad others haf dat i dun. i admire those seemingly lovey dovey relationships tt my friends are having when i jus broke up... i get jealous over those tt are smarter than me etc.. i went thru all these jus to come to this conclusion lo.. sometimes we cant even accept hu we are but tt loving Father made us Us!! so why are we fretting abt lousier looks and all. when He noes wad is best for us and HE will onli give us the best? so reli to all my friend out dere.. Dare to accept hu u are and reli thank God for that.. bcuz ultimately.. It's Him who matters the most rite?? =D

~ God is Good.. all the time..~ i thank God for this...

your name wrote at ;; 12:52 AM

Saturday, June 17, 2006

God is really good.. all the time...today went to study with twin.. den we talkd abt some stuff abt our church and all..indeed made me realise alot of stuff la.. so shall act on dem.. hee... =D ask u all a question.. if u all had no fears at all. wad will u all wanna do most..

today... when gg home.. saw e canteen aunty last time.. u noe the one tt left le.. ya.. den at first i was reli scared la.. bcuz like i noe her she noe me but we like dun reli noe each other.. so it is the most awkward stage ma.. den she suddenly talked abt smth tt i was so burdened abt.. bringing my parents to church. she taught me alot of stuff.. i reli thank God tt He arranged for us to meet and He would speak to me this way lo.. thank u Father in Heaven.. =D

praise Him.. Love Him...

your name wrote at ;; 12:07 AM

Friday, June 16, 2006

Why

this is reli a great song and the mtv jus further enhances it... enjoy the love of our Lord.. amen!

your name wrote at ;; 2:05 AM

today i had a super tough time at physio.. i muz sae it was the worst i ever ha.. it was like super tiring can.. the first activity was a warm up den i had to like do some machine for 10min and in tt 10mis jus burnt like 82cal.. haha.. tts cool la..but aft tt do e back de.. wa can die ar.. e exercises are reli super tedious for me since i injured my back.. so much so that when i did my ankle,. it was like a breeze comparatively.. haha.. but ya la.. i noe darek did all the TORTURE for my own sake. so thanks.. sorry to haf to ma fan u to like push me when u r like sick.. hehe..

i m beginning to enjoy physio la..though it is reli tough la.. but o well.. at least e pple dere are like pushin me to go and enjoy bcuz they're so nice!! =D thanks alot man!! hee.. k la i shall end this short post here.. hee..

your name wrote at ;; 12:27 AM

Thursday, June 08, 2006

hey hey... jus came back from camp yest.. and todae.. from hosp.. haha tok abt camp first..

i enjoyed camp la.. e onli thing is that rite.. iwas sorta misunderstood la.. but ok le.. haha.. my grp oso quite cool.. almost all sports gals.. so muz run like crazy... haha.. we got best grp.. but everythin i said is not tt impt.. most imptly .. i found my new found love Jesus Christ again.. =D

during the camp.. i oso double confirmed a feelin la.. but den.. shallnot sae anythin..hehe..

todae went to do physio la.. den do le.. suddenly strained my neck la.. den e physiotherapist darek and pauline sent me to a n e.. haha.. dats cool la.. like two docs gg into the room with u to see another doc.. so they also pro ma. so wad de doc sae.. like which muscle and the diagnosis and all.. i not like fool.. bcuz e two docs noe ma.. haha den darek vv nice. he sentme homeand treated me dinner.. so nice rite. heee.. so pai seh i ma fan dem la.. but dey reli so nice. first tym i dun mind gg physio.. hor grace.. haha.. ya. they vv nice la.. =D pauline kept saeing. darling relax.. den bcuz vv pain ma. den she keep saeing. good girl u fdoing it. den darek will sae endure endure.. =D encouraging. of cos no forgetting fazil or fazli.. duno la.. haha.. he vv nice. he keep tryin to joe and all. thanks to all of u man!!!!!! hee

so tml hafta go back to my shuai ge doc.. to check again.. =D but now.. i prefer gg physio.. bcuz pple dere nice.. haha..

~too afraid of disappointment to act tell u how i feel..~

your name wrote at ;; 10:08 PM

Thursday, June 01, 2006

i saw the car just before it hit me. i seemed to float. then darkness smashed my senses.

i came to in an ambulance. opening my eyes, i could see only shreds of light through my bandaged, swollen eye lids.i didn't know it then, but small particles of gravel and dirt were embedded in my freckled sixteen-yr-old face. as i tried to touch it, someone tenderly pressed my arm down and whispered "lie still".

a wailing siren trailed dstantly somewhere, and i slipped into uncounsiousness. my last thoughts were a desperate prayer. "Dear God, not my face, please."

Like many teenage girls, i found much of my identity in my APPEARANCE. adolescence revolved around my outside image. being pretty meant i had lots of dates and a wide circle of friends.

in the hours immediately after the accident, i drifted in and out of consciousness.whenever my mind was cleared, even slightly, i wondered about my face. i was bleedin internally and had severe concussion, but it never occured to me that my concern with appearance was disproportionate.

the next few days, no nurses or family members would agree to giving me a mirror.. as my body healed internally and my strengeth returned.. i became more difficult. i kept pleading with everyone for a mirror, including my dad. but he was always giving a firm no. then, all i could scream was " dad you don't love me!!! i am not pretty and u don;t love me anymore!"

my dad looked as though someone had knocked the life out of him. he slumped into a chair and pot his head in his hands. my mother walked over and put her hands on his shoulder as he tried to control his tears. i collapsed in the pillow.

i didn't ask my parents for a mirror again. instead i waited for someone from housekeeping to come. could u get me a mirror please? i mus haf mislaid mine." after a while , she handed me a mirror.

nothing could have prepared me for what i saw. an image that resembles a diant scraped knee, oozing an dpink, looked out a me. my eyes and lips were crusted and swollen. hardly a patch of skin escaped from this truama.

my dad arrived later. he found me staring into the mirror. prying my fingers from the mirror, he said " it isn;t impt. this does not change anything that matters. noone will love u less. i know what u think.this will not change anything. those hu love u have seen u at the worst. i changed your diapers, wathed ur skin blister with chicken pox, wiped your bloddy nose and help your head when u threw up in the toilet. i loved u even when u were not pretty. FATHERS DO NOT STOP LOVING THEIR CHILDREN, NO MATTER WHAT LIFE TAKES."

"look at me daddy. tell me you will always love me." i will never forget wad happened next. as he loooked into my battered face, his eyes were filled with tears. slowly, he leaned towards me and with his eyes opened, he kissed my scabbed, oozing lips.

many years passed. all that rwmains of my accident is a tiny scar above my eyebrow. but my father's kiss, and what it taught me about love, will never leave my lips.

wad a sweet story. when i was reading this story from stories for the extreme teens' hearts.. i was so touched.. we keep complaining abt how we look, how others prettier. more sporty, smarter and all. but these all do not affect how much our Father loves us. like wad my pet sae.. it is not easy.. but may this be a constant reminder to us ba. He loves us, no matter if we are the prettiest gal in class or the ugliest, shortest, fattest, pimpled-face gal.. so who else matters except for Him?

your name wrote at ;; 10:51 PM

BOXES

i have in my hands two boxes
which God gave me to hold
He said, "Put all your sorrows in the black,
And all your joys in the gold."

I heeded His words, and in the two boxes
Both my joys and sorrows I store
But though the gold became heavier each day
The black was as light as before

With curiosity, I opened the black
I wanted to fiind out why
And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole
Which my sorrows had fallen out by.

I showed the hole to God, and mused aloud
"I wonder where my sorrows could be"
He smiled a gentle smile at me
"My child, they're all here with me."

i asked, "God, why give me the boxes.
Why the gold, and the black with the hole?"
"My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings,
The black is for you to let go."

this is reli a great poem lo.. how true.. jus let go of all e burdens u haf or tt are troubling you lo.. bcuz.. God will keep dem all.. and free us from all these troubles.. so let's all throw our burdens.. and never pick them up again..

your name wrote at ;; 12:30 AM