Cassandra Loh

Friday, March 24, 2006

now in tjc's hub writing this post.. quite long le wor..=) long tym no see.. oh hey lemon thx for tt.. =) hope u r gg onn fine too.. =)

school is getting stress man.. it's like i not here in first 3 mths ma.. so my maths lagging by 7 tutorials la.. den chem and all.. WA... only thing tt seems ok is chi and econs and maybe geog.. chem n maths r like BLUR to me.... but i will try to catch up la. anw i h af nth else tto keep me distracted rite? yea... so jus work work weork?

was a little.. ok so quite affected by the leadership camp thingy.. it is like all e j1s got except me and samuel.. hu is like injured.. hello? obviously she doubts my capability.. maybe i m now looking at things in a vv negative side... as in looking at everything in a negative pt of view... ya but i was like super affected.. den i msg YH lo.. den he was like saein i dun need ppl to affirm me etc.. thansks man... u oways noe wad to sae! =) but ya.. thinking back.. it wud be a waste of tym since i ve been to many le.. den my cher said today tt the camp is for those hu haf not got enuf exp in leading.. so ok.. maybe im jus too good.. diao.... (do u trust tt i think tt way when i said i look at things in a neg pt of view?) ok sorry...

err.. abt him. i m numb.. reli.. act i m numb to everything le.. i noe how to laugh and i noe how to smile. i noe when to make ppple laugh and i noe how to carry myself..=) aren't i good? i got a vv tired feeling.. reli tired.... but well... i haf to go on... i noe i m gg to lose it soon.. but i need to jus hang in dere.. it is oso gd la dat i m numb.. i dun feel e pain....

Choose cell splitting le.. guess GoD noes tt i cant tk it le.. maybe HE thinks i m incompetent too... i dunno la.. sae tt i need alot of affirmation.. sae i need alot of praise.. sae i cant work with these affirmation and responsibilites.. BUT THAT IS HOW I AM!

today did a personality test (again?!) ya my character is kinda confirmed aft the many many tests.. and probably these characters r mking me lose all my composures when things happoen.. tt nite during retreat... this is wad happened..

at nite 17/3 : during the sharing.. i was super restless.. i keep felt like i gg to cry.. den grace msg me abt a door copened thingy. and i cried a little.. son sae dun cry.. not a gd idea to cry den.. managed to stop and FAKE a smile..

17/3 12am : i culdn tk it.. in the tent me sherily son and one of my p6 shared.. i cried... vv badly.. for an hour plus? cried without bein able to hide... everyone was at a lost.. but i culdn care abt dem le.. i noe i shdn cry so tt they wun feel at lost.. but i m too tired to hold my tears.. i cried...... i msged him but no reply

18/3 : no mood to do anything. easily irritated.... tt marked the start of my numbness....................................

* i've become so numb.. wad is pain? wad is laughter? everythin CAN BE FAKED..... i m FAKE....... im dropping dwn........

your name wrote at ;; 3:22 PM