Cassandra Loh

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Hey son thanks a lot man.. u made me cry in tjc’s hub la.. was reading and was like crying.. hmmm…. No la it is not your fault man.. I mean one person sad enuf le no need e whole grp of friends sad tog ma.=) I promise u I will get over soon de… I will…

Aniwae.. ok I got sum stuff to update la.. first… there’s this guy in tjc la.. in my class.. called Dwight.. act when I first came I found him vv nice.. as in normal la.. same as others ma.. den pple started to ask me to stay away from him.. so I was like why and didn’t care lo.. den I realized why they ask me to stay away la.. bcuz he is abit gayish.. as in he will drop his wrist when talking.. ya.. den he likes to like un-intentionally touch ppple when talking la.. and tt irritates pple.. including me lo.. so there was dis wk whereby I reli avoided him jus like al my friends la.. and I must admit tt thereason of avoiding him is partially bcuz my friends avoids him too.. den this bomb came to me.. I and him are GP BUDDIES.. u noe wad tt means? Means I have to sit with him for all GP lessons.. and for the term I have to discuss with him all my work and all.. everyone were like wishing me good luck and all la.. den I felt like “oh my God! Why are u doing this to me!!” den today… my friends.. 9 so called friends la.) they went for chem. Ma.. den I also went.. den they sat.. and seats were jus nice until I dun haf seat.. I wwas like quite bu shuang la.. somemoe we were supposed to be close friends kind of thing la.. so I vv bu shuang sat beside Dwight ( e onli seat left.. he always has empty seats beside him bcuz no one wants to sit with him) den I started to talk to him.. den I suddenly felt like I HAD to ask him some burning Q..
Cass: y do u always sit alone?
Dwight: bcuz no one wants to sit with me?
Cass: err.. how do u feel having to sit alone always?
Dwight: at first I feel angry.. den sad.. den neutral den I dun give a damn
Cass: do u know the reason whereby they dun wan sit with u
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he did not reply me… at tt instance.. I felt so…. Guilty and disgusting… how disgusting I am!! I conformed to wordly standards.. and like my friend.. I avoid this lonely soul.. this guy hu is alw feeling lonely.. but no one cares.. ask urself.. if u were him.. how wud u feel?? I reli feel terrible la.. den I realise… maybe God wants me to do smth by putting me and Dwight as buddies… duno la.. i reli muz accept him.. which also reminds me of a show.. err.. dun reli rem the name. tt mandy moore show.. the one whereby everyone calls her holy and all.. and everyone avoids her.. but this guy accepted her.. ya.. ( which coinciudentally I watched with Isaac..) ok.. ya.. so I will accept him.. and thru me I will show him that there is love and tt HIS father loves him!

Next… as I said,, I m numb.. but isn’t numb good? Pple ard me ask me to face it… why put myself in pain.. numb and happy.. until one dae when the feelings fade away lo… I m not tryin to show tt I m faithful or wad.. bcuz I reli wan to get over… ya..

I reli cant fit into tjc lo.. I realized.. act rite.. I am extroverted and all so I shdn face this prob.. but… I am now.. jus like I said jus now durin chem… and other stuff la.. as in my class pple alr haf their cliques lo.. so not so easy to jus fit nicely.. ya.. more and more I dun like tjc.. but I jus need to survive thru the 2yrs and it’s over.. luckily got so many ahs pple.. so walk where also can see friends. Act I dun like lidat de.. I dun like all ahs pple.. vv sianz ma.. but den I am appreciating it now.. haha environment reli changes a person.. cant reli catch up with chem. Still.. maths still ok.. econs ok… geog.. ok.. ya.. 4 subj onli ma…

So tts the end for today ba…. Tk care guys!

your name wrote at ;; 11:21 AM