Cassandra Loh

Thursday, July 16, 2015

Dear J,

I will be flying off tomorrow. This is going to be the first time we are apart for so long, and I know how much you will miss me, just like I will miss you too.

Today we had our small spats again, but thankfully, we ended on a good note. I know that this week has been hard on you. You are down because you are super not looking forward to tomorrow. Furthermore, I have been super busy with my new portfolio, and my birthday celebrations. You may feel like suddenly i am very distant. But I am not. You are always on my mind, and I always look forward to seeing you after those long crazy days.

Baby, I just want you to know that I love you very much, and I will always be yours. Don't worry about me too much, I will text you whenever I can. I will also take very good care of myself. Take this opportunity to study as much as you can, and in no time, I will be back.

Take care of yourself and Boxer for me.

Love You.

Tanghooning.

your name wrote at ;; 12:23 AM

Thursday, June 25, 2015

It really isn't easy to be in a relationship. Recently, I was talking to a friend and recapping all the past relationships i have had, and i realised.. what constitutes a real relationship is where there is love, sacrifice and responsibility. I am not saying that is all, but these are really elements that have to be in a relationship, and oftentimes, these are the hardest to do.

In the past, I never understood what sacrifice really meant. I was driving along Upper Changi Road today, and I remember those times I would be angry with my mom because I woke up late for school and she couldn't drive fast enough to get me there on time. I've always had my way, and I never felt like I had to sacrifice anything for anyone. Of course, I grew up a lot when daddy's business failed, but still, "sacrifice for others"was something I was just too unfamiliar with. But God put me in this relationship with J, and I am forced to learn what sacrifice is. A girl like me, who loves cafe hopping, loves the outdoors, loves living life, met a boy struggling in med school, buried in books and notes. At this point, studies are his priority, and I have to take the back seat. It is tough. It is tough not being able to share my day, my frustrations or achievements at work. It is tough not being able to lead what I always thought was a "normal" life. Sometimes, our relationship even reaches a point where it seems irrelevant, because he doesn't know much about what's happening to me. But I guess, it is through this, that I really learn to understand, what being a supportive spouse means. I finally understand, what it means to sacrifice willingly, unconditionally. It means swallowing disappointments, anger, negativity, for the man you love and for his future. I do it, out of love. That is sacrifice. Of course, sometimes the negativity still gets to me, but inside, I know that I signed on for this, and I am gonna stick through this. And the only way I can do this, is with God's strength, and the love that started everything.

Some updates about the wedding planning. We have done our wedding video! Or rather more or less done. Still need to film the interview part and we are done. The video means so much to me, because it is like a mini project that we put effort into doing together. Next will be our photoshoot in Sept! Oh and we have sorta decided to get a HDB, so yet another thing to be excited about I guess!

Read a colleague's blog recently, and it was full of depressive thoughts and experiences. It instantly brought me back to those dark times that i had, those times that I cringe to even think about. But i am so glad God gave me a new lease of life. God treasured every tear I cried, and walked with me out of those mess. I can't erase the past, but with God, I know I am in good hands. I cry when I must, but He will pick me up. My colleague seemed lost, she sounded like the people around her can't make her feel better. I am not that close to her so I know I probably won't make any physical difference, but I prayed for her. I pray that God will walk with her like He did with me, and when she sees that, she will need nobody else.

Psalm 46: God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;

your name wrote at ;; 11:33 PM

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

So, here's my post about Vday 2015. Time flies.. This is the 3rd Vday we are celebrating together.

Vday 2013: Dinner with my cousins and brother (and their plus ones)
* It was a little awkward. I didn't know you that well, we were only together for 7 days then. My brother told you that although I looked strong on the outside, I am actually a softie. Awww.. (aww that my bro said that, and that you said you knew and you would take care of me).

2013- Ristorante Pietrasanta

Vday 2014: I took the effort to dress up (new dress some more!) You came to pick me from work. And i saw boxes in your car. Hmm. We reached ECP, and you took a set of clothes to ask me to change into. A set of rag-like clothes! Haha! That's when I knew you were preparing a picnic that day. You brought me to the beach, lay the blanket, then told me to sit and wait. You started digging in the sand like a child and i had completely no idea what you were doing. I looked around, and saw other people doing their BBQs. It smelled so good..... I looked back and you, and realise you built a head rest! A very sturdy one some more. Then you took out a BBQ pit, lay it in the sand, and took out the food. Steak and Salmon. Oh My Gosh. What an elaborate plan! You BBQ the food for me, and we had a nice private dinner by the waters. So nice that it was windy, and the beach was surprisingly empty..

The elaborate set up: BBQ pit, table, head rest (made of sand), heart petals..

2014: East Coast Park

Vday 2015: So what did we do? We decided.. to enjoy our everyday lives with one another! :) This year, both of us have been really busy, and we couldn't even get to do many everyday stuff together. For e.g, study tog, exercise tog, enjoy a meal tog, watch tv etc. So here's what we did:

Went for breakfast with his parents at the wet market

We enjoyed some me time- him doing his usual carpentry work while I surfed the net (and napped)

He cooked lunch for us, before we went back to studying...

We took some time to exercise before...

The usual steamboat!! Yeah!

We actually planned to do some fancy dinner. But we stopped and thought about it. Hey, this is what we like. We like steamboats! So why squeeze with the crowd doing what couples should do! We enjoyed our dinner a lot, talking and sharing, getting to know each other better.

And that was how we celebrated our Vday. I think what's most important on Vday is to do something that both like. Sometimes it can be elaborate, like last year, and sometimes it can be simple like this year. But I am all for observing this day, because even though the saying goes..."If you love one another, everyday is valentine's day," I still believe keeping this day aside to celebrate it in however way keeps the sparks alive :)

And to my valentine, I love you.

your name wrote at ;; 12:06 AM

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Today is Valentine's Day! Will blog more about how the day went after today :)

Last week, J and I celebrated our 2nd year anniversary. Only 2 years?! How come it feels like forever! Haha. I had to really count back to make sure it is only 2 years.

These 2 years have been amazing. I got to experience God's love, romantic and selfless love, and family love as well. I thank God for putting J in my life- the guy I always envisioned myself to be with. I really drew J in my mind before he appeared. God knew, and although I wasn't exactly obedient in waiting for His plan (and ended up with some rough knocks), He still delivered J to me in His time.

Our relationship has been wonderful. J has a very good temper, and I know he truly loves me. Some people are blessed to find the right one on their first shot. And I am happy for them (J is one of them). But I know God had a purpose for letting me go through a few wrong turns. I have always been a perfectionist. I remember telling my mom after my last relationship, that I won't settle down again, until I find the best. I always wanted to find the flawless man. And of course, nobody is flawless. Hence, my past relationships failed. But God used these experiences to show me, that true love is to accept the person for who he is, and fall in love with his strengths and weaknesses even. Basically, when you truly love someone, these flaws are something you work at together, instead of a reason to leave.

When I first knew J (before we got together), I already knew of some of J's imperfections. And one of the imperfections, was that J had pneumothorax. Wait, not once, but multiple times. Usually, that would have immediately turned me off, because that's a glaring imperfection. But somehow, God put love in my heart. I fell in love with this man, and have not looked back.

This day, I want to thank J for all your patience with me. Thank you for showing me what true and unconditional love is. Thank you for reminding me to love God. Thank you for being THE testimony of God's love for me. Though we have our flaws, thank you for showing me how we can overcome them with love. Thank you for being the unique you, the special one that I always dreamed of. I am excited to go through life's journey with you. I love you.

Here's how we celebrated our 2nd year anniversary- a good meal at The Royal Mail (Ascott). I loved the food, but loved the companion even more. To many more years ahead, till we meet in heaven again :)

Starters- Some wanton?

300g steak! yummy!

Accidentally ordered still water instead of tap! $7 each :X

My companion, My Valentine

Ended on a sweet note- Molten Lava Cake (It was some fancy name, but it really just is molten lava cake which I can make! :D)

Back to my valentine's day celebration (actually, just spending quality time together doing everyday stuff because that's what we love best. I am spending some me time blogging now, and he is doing some carpentry work. Gonna study together now! )

Happy Valentine's Day!

your name wrote at ;; 2:44 PM

It is really challenging to keep the blog updated!

11th Jan: JJ and I have confirmed our wedding package from the outdoor wedding show BOWS! It includes the pre and actual day wedding videographer and photographer, as well as a customised gown+tux, and flowers etc. Basically everything except the dinner venue. Great start! :)

Here's a photo taken at the event.

Started school this January. Being able to enrol into SMU- it means so much to me. SMU has always been a school I envisioned myself in. Since the building's construction phase, papa will always drive us past the unfinished site, telling me how he wishes I will be in this school when I "grow up". I had a few hard knocks during the "growing up" that my dad was talking about. Retained in JC, went to Poly. Didn't do well in poly, so no SMU. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for UB. I made some great friends there. I realised my potential. I found my confidence back again. This opportunity to study at SMU, I must remember to always thank God. In His time, I am now a SMU post grad student. I will be going to USA (supposed to go Buffalo but papa's business failed) and I will be going to Switzerland (supposed to go when I was 16). Everything in His time. Another person I need to thank is JJ's dad, who generously sponsored this course. I will put in my best, and learn as much as I can from all my classmates who are super experienced.

Made some firm friends right at the start- Roy, Sandie and Dom. A little like Janice, Lucius and Darryn :)

Back to project meetings again

I wouldn't say we are like minded. But we click :)

One of my favourite modules thus far- at the Singapore Media Academy

Otelli Edwards- Newscaster at CNA. Brains and Beauty!

Apart from school, I have also had the chance in Jan to get to know J's brother's fiancee-YQ better! We went shopping for gowns, and just chit chat over coffee.

Starbucks lovers

Tried this gown for fun when shopping with her :)

This year, I also remind myself again to make more efforts to care for my family. Shower them with love and concern. Spend on them, make them feel special. Bought some CNY shirts for papa, brought mummy for a CNY haircut :)

Papa is too proud to say but I know he loved it. He whispered to me that it reminded me of my mom when he first dated her :D

Love God, Love Yourself, Love Your Family. Cheers !

your name wrote at ;; 2:19 PM

Monday, January 05, 2015

As I woke up from my sweetest dream
A simple dream of you and me
You teasing me, as it always has been
And me laughing at your silly grin

I woke up to an empty room
My heart cringed as I scanned once through
I perched to check if there was still food
To my dismay, all was gone too soon

Disappointed I was I laid back down
Wondering why you missed the drill
To kiss me, say you love me before you left
Were you in a rush, or did you forget?

Suddenly I heard a cough
I sat back up and looked through the door
There was light, there was sound!
My dearest fiance was still around!

I snuggled back with a smile
Anticipating the sweetest lull
And there he came, gentle as he is
"I love you" he said and sealed it with a kiss

Every line in this poem really happened. Crafted this poem in my mind when I was jogging this morning. The words just flow into my brain just like that. That's what love do to you :p

Took this picture at our impromptu supper picnic at East Coast Park.

Sat on the beach, listened to the waves, talked and shared- simple pleasures in life.

May we always be each other's best listener and companion :)

your name wrote at ;; 11:19 PM

Saturday, January 03, 2015

It has been a long while since I wrote in this. Many things have changed, and I choose to think that I have grown up quite a bit.

Before I decided to continue blogging (and continue blogging on this page), I read through some of my posts from the archives. Laughed hard at my "cool" singlish, cringed a little at the downs, but all in all, I saw how God's blessings were being showered upon me at every single stage of my life-even when I felt He was far at that particular point of my life. Grateful for all the people He placed in the different phases of my life, thankful for the friends that are still around now.

So yes, I am going to continue blogging here. After all, the memories and emotions archived were as real as they could get then, and I feel I should not negate them.

Life has been wonderful.
I am engaged now to J. Learning to be a good and supportive wife.
I've been working in Parkway for 2.5 years now. This is my first full time job since graduation, and I have learned so much from here.
I am starting my Masters of Science in Communications Management this year.
My circle of friends has probably shrunk, as in, I don't meet many of them anymore. But there's still those few firm friends that have always been there.
I am doing ballet again-with Grace (*SURPRISE)

And many many more blessings that I am accumulating everyday (:

So I shall try to keep this blog alive, so that 10 years later, when I decide to rummage through my archives again, I will be able to laugh at my silly-ness from today, and thank God yet again, for being so personally involved in my life.

Today, my blog post will be about the soya bean cakes that I made! So J's helper made homemade Soyamilk, and I thought, what could I do with the remains of the beans- which I have learned they're called Okara. And this was what I did with them- Soya Cakes with Chocolate Filling (inspired by Mr Bean).

Recipe (6cakes):
6 Tbsp of Okara
6 Tbsp of Flour ( I used All Purpose Flour but I would think it'll be better with cake flour)
2 Tbsp Sugar
5 Tbsp Milk
1/2 Tbsp of Olive Oil
6 Cubes of 70% dark chocolates

Method:
1. Pre heat oven (180 degreeC)
2. Mix everything together except the chocolates.
3. Fill half the muffin tin with mixture.
4. Place one cube of chocolate in.
5. Cover the chocolate with more mixture.
6. Bake for 15-20mins (180degC)

Some photos:

Okara

Final Product

My satisfied customer

Till then! Shall really try to diligently keep track of life (:

your name wrote at ;; 11:36 PM

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

On the Edge.

Sometimes, it's not that I want to
It's that I've got no choice.
I don't like how this feels either.
But I am on the edge.

your name wrote at ;; 1:04 AM

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Trophy girlfriend

When I first heard of this phrase, I took it the positive way.

I interpretated it as how a guy would describe his girl

Best of the best in his eyes

A trophy deserving girlfriend.

I was then told of the negative connotation of this phrase..

Surprisingly, it's also the commonly used definition

It meant a showcase girlfriend,

One that was perfect in society's context

Therefore bringing pride to the guy himself.

It is not above love

Or embracing the strengths and weaknesses of your partner

Instead, it's selfish manipulation of one's feelings for you to satisfy your ego

This phrase doesn't only work for guys

Girls too, often search for the trophy boyfriend.

But that's not true love.

You will not feel true joy talking about your partner.

You will not be able to share the laughters and pain with him/her.

I am writing this because I just witnessed true love

Well I cannot judge for sure that it's true love or not

But I can be sure the couple is standing far from the trophy girlfriend syndrome

He isn't perfect. He does not have the best job,looks or wealth.

She isn't perfect. She does not fit into society's perception of a good wife.

They are getting married in a week.

The guy knows that on the day itself, his wife may be under public scrutiny

Due to the big tattoo on her back

Not socially accepted. Maybe not a socially perceived beautiful bride.

But a wife in his eyes.

Not a trophy. A wife he loves.

Be with somebody because you love him/her.

Don't do it because it will look good on you,

Or for whatever other reasons.

Love is distinct.

You'll know you're in love, because you'll feel it.

Till then, do not settle.

your name wrote at ;; 3:02 AM

Monday, March 12, 2012

Love...

It is when you can find 10000 reasons to not feel anything

But you still do.

It is when you try your hardest to replace the emotions with rationality

But the emotions always triumph.

It is when the slightest things can make you smile

As you survive through even the worst things in your life.

It is when many times you feel like giving up

But that one thing always holds you back.

Now that is love.

your name wrote at ;; 2:10 AM

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Unspoken

When I see the disappointments in your eyes

My heart breaks, it shatters.

I hate those despair you show me,

Close to hopelessness and defeat.

I decide to stay nonchalant

I don't want to be emotionally laboured along with you

Because I've got so many other things on my shoulders

School, and everything else.

I know I am selfish

But it's hard for me.

You raised me to be pampered like a princess

But now, I have to be strong and tough.

My heart hurts, it aches to see

What used to be my pillars of support

Fall down in front of me.

In these months I've learnt

To become silent and conserved

But deep down, my dear parents,

Do know that my heart never hurt more than this.

your name wrote at ;; 1:59 AM

Saturday, March 10, 2012

unscathed

was radomly looking at fbs of friends i was once close to
drifted apart... not because of any disagreements,
but just because of the sheer fact that time just push us in opposite directions
as i looked at their photos, I realized that they actually do tell a story
your life story.
it's like.. I've not met a person for a long time, but I can get a feel of how she has been
through her photos.
real smiles, or just facades,
well i can't tell
but at least it's an avenue.

had the sudden urge to blog again
i guess it may be because of the studying
people say you get distracted most when you're doing something most important
anyway, i just wanted to blog
not about daily happenings that much
but just continue to try and pen down emotions and thoughts
so that one day,
when i forget myself, or forget how I've walked through a certain phase
I can look back at my blog.

thought of starting on a new blog add
thought i wrote too many silly things on this (well i was only 16 when i started)
but i decided
that was who i really was
that past made me who i am today
so i'm going to embrace them
not just brush them off as "some lame pasts"
laughed at some of my ah-lian lingo
cringed at some of the real pain I had to go through
wow-ed myself with how I was so good at keeping to formats (wonder where that has gone to)
and just reminded myself
how blessed I am, to walk out of my teenage years unscathed (at least no bad scars)

what phase am i in now?
a phase of self-searching
a phase of grasping who I really am inside.
starting to feel the age catching up
starting to actively do things to prevent my body from disintegrating
take up yoga, cardio, go for massages.
studying hard (most of the time) for my last two sems in UB
making many new friends
losing some old buddies. you.
piling up on the "regrets" basket
throwing in some "should haves" and "i wish i had
nevertheless
it's a journey
and i will walk through it.
and come out
unscathed.

your name wrote at ;; 11:52 AM

Monday, January 10, 2011

Am I Gonna Stop Blogging??

omg the last time i blogged was 3 months ago
just lost the motivation to blog about mundane everyday stuff
but then again
i am not ready to give up blogging altogether
so i shall attempt to blog some recent happenings

Gong Gong's Birthday

met up with my coussies to celebrate my grandfather's birthday
took many pictures that night but i shall just post up one
these are the younger cousins
watching them grow up is really ♥

Christmas Eve + New Year's Eve

Spent both eves at brewerkz
ya duh boring you may say
but i say it was great (:
maybe i couldnt catch full views of fireworks
or count down together with my darlings
but i definitely had my share of fun with the colleagues (:

Filming

Filmed for Clare's assignment
starred as some ke lian girl who's fiancee has cancer and lies to me to break up with me
haha
it was fun though tiring
i guess sometimes the people you work with makes the difference!

JB With Colleagues

Went for a day trip with some colleagues yesterday yay
didnt buy alot of things
did a massage, sang and of course, ATE A WHOLE LOT
but still i bought a decent steering wheel cover(i don't know what its called)
and a goregeous purse
no pictures of those buys though

that's mandy holding my all time fave marrybrown chicken!

all excited to start our trip!

this was outside a seafood restaurant that served decent food at a very low price!

aww i love this photo!

i can't pose looking like a rocker but i tried (:

great sisters!

who says colleagues can never be great friends? ♥

that's about it for this update after a long time
i will try to keep my blog alive before i certify it dead if unsuccessful
enjoying my last week of holidays before i start school again booo
but i shall try to enjoy school and put in more effort
so that i can enjoy in peace like i did this holiday!

alright signing off with a picture i took in jb
of this hat that i really like and i am regretting RIGHT NOW that i did not get it
:(

xoxo ♥♥♥

your name wrote at ;; 3:16 AM

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

"When You Say Nothing At All"

It's amazing
How you can speak
Right to my heart
Without saying a word,
You can light up the dark
Try as I may
I could never explain
What I hear when
You don't say a thing

[CHORUS:]
The smile on your face
Lets me know
That you need me
There's a truth
In your eyes
Saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says
You'll catch me
Whenever I fall
You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all

All day long
I can hear people
Talking out loud
But when you hold me near
You drown out the crowd
(The crowd)
Try as they may
They could never define
What's been said
Between your
Heart and mine

The smile on your face
The truth in your eyes
The touch of your hand
Let's me know
That you need me

The smile on your face
The truth in your eyes
The touch of your hand
Let's me know
That you need me

(You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all
You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all)

everything that this song says (:
i know that one day, the reflection that I have been seeing will change
because i have faith, not blind faith...
but faith in my shield and armour

your name wrote at ;; 9:57 PM

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

Life Goes On With You ♥

school has started for me for a couple of weeks already
its still manageable at this point actually (:
not dreading to go school as yet (only the waking up part at times)
and i am starting to have some life despite school
went FEP with janice after a long time and grabbed some cheap deals
life is just awesome when you have a car (:

other updates on my life..
have moved to yiochukang road, and although i still miss pasirris (i really do)
i am starting to get used to this place
at least my dogs have a bigger space to run about now
and i dont have to get summons for parking
ohwells.. no point whining about irreversible stuff yea..

just a short update to keep my blog going
do support my blog for my communications module by leaving a comment
its a weekly thing so do keep coming back
www.cassandraloh.wordpress.com
thanks ♥

will be back for more when i have more life
takecare everyone
♥

often i say, "i give up." but somewhere in me, i know i want to keep trying.

your name wrote at ;; 12:32 AM

Thursday, August 26, 2010

I'm Back!! ♥

i finally got my laptop back!
haven been present in the virtual world for too long..
thankfully i had my iphone for basic things like twitter and fb

starting school at SIM next monday
after such a long break
i was actually quite looking forward to start school
HOWEVER
after looking at my timetable (which has lessons as early as 830am)
and considering the long journeys ive gotta take to school..
i suddenly feel abit reluctant to start school again.
but owells, ive to get my deg anyhow so complaining is completely unnecessary

oh yea.. im back at brewerkz indoor stadium
but i work very little though..
alrighty will be back to blog soon..
shall leave with a pic taken of me at beerfest asia.

♥

your name wrote at ;; 3:35 PM

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Update Part 1

hello readers!!

thank you all for your support, despite me not blogging for so long
still have got a steady group of supporters reading!
Gosh there are like so many things i wanna blog about..
and this post is not gonna cover everything

anyways.. first up..
i've finally graduated from temasek poly..
thinking back on how long this journey has been
from jc to poly to finally graduating..
it certainly did bring up alot of emotions..
and i've really got to thank alot of people,
be it teachers (both tj and tp), family and friends
that i managed to complete this poly journey (:
didn't take too many pics that day though cux it was ultra chaotic

with my family, who has always been giving me the best support i need ♥

that's me in the robe which i totally forgot to return =X

the man who bought me flowers ♥

kaixuan- year1 classmate

with mr png- a great lecturer (:

year 1 classmates, amanda and janice

melissa- year 2 classmate

serene- tj and tp friend!

teddy- 2nd yr classmate

shaun- jap class classmate

weikiang- final year classmate

ryan- year 1 classmate

emily- year 1 and 2 classmate

Juz- year 2 classmate

alvin- erm.. ahs-tj-tp classmate

a great bunch of fun people i met in yr 2

eeling- yr3 classmate

yingying- yr 2 classmate

don- year3 classmate

Ivan- yr 2 classmate

sarah- year 1 classmate

Before graduation, i had the chance to go genting!
have been wanting to go there since long ago
cux i've never been there before despite it being so convenient
went there straight after work so i was really quite shag when i actually boarded the bus